He is pausing, taking stock and considering how far he has come (see the tilled fields behind him, and the accumulation of achievements/money in front of him). “Has it all been worth it?”, he is asking himself, and “where to go next?”

My Masculine Energy
He is a man, demonstrating to me that my masculine energies have been forefront to get me to where I am. The qualities of logic, discipline, structure and self-control have ruled the day. There has been strategic planning, focus and objectivity before arriving at this place of retrospection and re-evaluation.

I started work in the 1980s as a university graduate on the path to becoming a Chartered Surveyor. It was unquestionably a male dominated industry. I was selected as one of four female graduates in an intake of 16. We were two blondes, one brunette and one flaming red head! When I look back, I laugh out loud at how contrived and predictable that selection was!! Needless to say, all the interviewers were men!

So, I find myself contemplating the ways we women, and me in particular, have turned to our masculine side to be able to fit in to a male dominated system? To get along, I learned to think and operate in a masculine way and I think it is a large part of how I continue to think and operate to this day.

My Feminine Energy
So how does my feminine energy show up in this? It makes sense of the rift observed between the masculine and feminine in the Eight of Cups. It is collective as well as personal.

Ready to be Seen
He is still dressed in red, but now in the daylight. Perhaps he is ok now to be seen in the world for who he is and what he does. He is pondering his next steps. But how do I bring in the “she”?

The Lovers
There is one pentacle at his feet, separated from the other six by his foot and the hoe. The number 1 in the Major Arcana is The Magician, representing the masculine; and 6 is The Lovers, representing the union of masculine and feminine. The masculine (1) is at his feet. The union of masculine and feminine (6) is stacked up at his right hand side (often referred to as the masculine side!). This is clearly some of what he is/I am pondering!

Embracing my Femininity
It is time for my own feminine energies to come forward and finally be better expressed. It is time for me to discover the sacred balance of my masculine and feminine sides. As I contemplate this, a couple of questions are coming up for me:

“Will I ever be able to operate in a more free flowing, spontaneous, erratic even, way – that place where creativity resides? I can feel a visceral horror as I write the word “erratic”.  Does that mean chaos? Oh no! Not that!

Will I ever be able to let go of the structure of an interminable to-do list? It drives me forwards and certainly has its uses, but where does it stifle creativity and something more nurturing? How I love to tick things off a list as I go! But I know that sometimes I need to be able to suspend that logic and regimented precision to create space for something else. Something softer, something more free flowing, something more nurturing. The feminine!

Being a Writer
Meggan Watterson writes:
“Enheduanna embodies the ability to become one with our soul to live out our highest purpose. Born in Mesopotamia during the Akkadian Empire around 2285 B.C.E., Enheduanna is considered a poet but also the first named literary author in history.”

I laughed out loud when I read this. I love to write. I have even written some poetry, which sits on my computer in a half-written book! Maybe one day it will see the light of day?!

My heart soared as I felt the validation of these words. This truly is what I am meant to be doing. What’s even better, writing is a solitary pursuit, so it does, in part, allow me to keep my head beneath the parapet for a lot of the time! Yay!!

Integrating Light and Dark
Meggan continues, “Enheduanna encourages us to integrate our light and our dark, to bring our unconscious aspects of self into consciousness.”

Again, this dovetails with the Eight of Cups where the moon and the darkness symbolise the unconscious and the unveiling of what currently remains hidden from me.

The High Priestess
“The High Priestess is often described as the guardian of the unconscious. She is that aspect in all of us that holds the veil of awareness that separates us from our hidden depths.”

I feel the confirmation, that uncovering hidden depths is going to be a key part of this journey.

There is No Escape!
“Enheduanna wants you to live and breathe your soul. She wants you to become so intimate with it that there is no longer any separation. And there are no more excuses, or apologies for how powerful you are. You are the High Priestess”.

What better message to end on as I prepare to set forth.

What would it be helpful for me to know for my Impending Pilgrimage?
This was the question that I asked the cards before I set off, and there was a rich diversity of messages that I took away from them. I feel that they confirmed to me both my journey so far, and what I can expect from this pilgrimage.

I started this on the 1^st May, the day of my departure, (writing on the plane), but it has taken me until now to properly craft it.

The writing didn’t flow whilst I was away because I was too busy tuning into my experience and keeping on top of my journal.

Journaling
I kept a daily journal, handwritten in a notebook dedicated to the purpose.

I have engaged in this discipline for some time now, and it never ceases to amaze me what tumbles onto the page that would not see the light of day otherwise.

Some people call it “Stream of Consciousness Writing” others “Automatic Writing”, and others still, their “Morning Papers”.

There were some nights when the portals were clearly open, and the night’s sleep was disturbed by many moments of frantic recording, lest I lose the messages coming through. Sometimes I scrabble for a pen to record a dream, in the hope of not losing it, but this was something different.

The Mystery
What was going to happen as I set off was a mystery yet to be revealed. The cards helped me to understand a little of what it might look like. Do continue to follow this blog to find out what actually transpired!

The posts may not come in a chronological, linear order. I shall wait to see how things would like to flow. My masculine self would certainly like chronological, systematic recording, but my beautiful, mysterious feminine may decide to be more unpredictable than that!!

Happy reading📖📗